To Infinity And Beyond

Everybody who knows Buzz Lightyear remembers his rally cry "to infinity and beyond."

I thought of Buzz As I sat and prayed with my beloved Valerie this week while she fought the good fight on the 8th Floor of the Saperstein Critical Care Tower at Cedars Sinai.

I will follow Jesus to infinity and beyond. I will never take my eyes off Him. As Job said, "though He slay me , yet will I hope in Him.

Beloved, the pain we felt this week in the Critical Care Room at Cedars was worse than death. To see our Valerie intubated and restrained with a minimum amount of morphine because of the inability of the liver to process it was not unlike being in Hell.

Imagine the pain of your daughter, conscious and restrained, thinking she is suffocating, and looking at you in wide eyed fear, pleading for your help. It was the most painful night of my life.

To understand where we are this morning, we must go back to last Sunday. Val was dying. Her friends Christina and Pat were with her. We called Dr. Simon Lo at Cedars. He directed us to bring her to Cedars Emergency. She was admitted and an ERCP stent replacement was done Monday evening. Dr. Lo indicated that another replacement would be necessary in two weeks. On Wednesday, Dr. Lo and his colleague Dr. Sadda proposed that we change the stents again rather than waiting for two weeks. After a clinical, poignant, wrenching discussion with Dr. Sadda in the hallway, we decided to take Val home. Not to a room. Not in an ambulance. From Critical care to car to home. We agreed that it would be better to die in the car or at home than in a hospital in Beverly Hills. Dr. B, a skilled and compassionate palliative physician at Cedars arranged the discharge and medication necessary. So home we went. Chris, Val, and Nancy in the Chrysler. Julie and I in separate cars trailing behind.

San Diego Hospice is providing medical services to us. I explained that our intentions are to continue treating Valerie with all medication necessary to fight the infection and to continue saline IV. We made it very clear to them that we understand where Val is medically but we choose to press on with the cure. As long as they are ok with that, they can stay on the team.

Chris, Paul, and Mary Anne are with Val at this hour. My report is that Val is doing well today. 48 hours ago, Hospice said, “she has hours or days to live.” She has already blown away their first projection.

I have three prayer requests: Pray that Val’s stents begin to function normally. I would like to be making a call to Dr. Lo in two week’s time to book a stent replacement. Pray that the IV antibiotics kill the infection. Pray for physical strength for Chris.

Godspeed Beloved

P.S. Just to put our decision to bring Val home in context, can I describe a golden moment to you. After a crisis on Thursday morning at 5 am, Val got in bed with me in the spare room. As I was recalling to Val some of the apostle Paul's letters, Tyler woke up and got in bed with us. As I spoke, Val and Tyler were looking into each other's eyes. He reached over and caressed her face. Beloved, as our Lord said, " a day is as a thousand years in my value system." That tender moment was like ten thousand years.