A Big Hole
Valerie's departure has left a big hole in our lives. It has been especially hard this week. Everyone is gone. Dawn is in Colorado. I stop to see Chris and the boys on the way home from work. Gav and I played Life last night. Ryan went to baseball practice. Gav and Chris went out to practice ball. I was sitting next to Tyler, who was was sleeping on the couch. The house was very still and there was a feeling of emptiness. A big hole.
Saturday morning. We all went to Ryan's baseball game at Bradley Field this morning. Chris and Gavin are at his game as I write. Nancy put Tyler down for a nap and is doing some laundry. Chris and I had a good discussion about money. An important subject. Nancy is planning to take the train to Julie's in San Luis Obispo Monday morning. I am thinking about taking Tyler and going up to SLO on Friday. Tammy just called and invited us to a barbecue at her house this afternoon.
Life has this strange habit of going on in spite of our circumstances. I have struggled all week at work just trying to be productive. David Broad, our General Manager called me into his office yesterday and asked if I would speak to all our employees about Val. She was on (2) chemotherapies that we make where I work. I did and was amazed at the end of a 5 minute talk. Many were in tears when I finished. I was thanking them for all their hard work for Val and thousands of other patients just like her.
Nancy asked me how I feel this week. The only word that came to mind was "empty". I was in the Costco parking lot and fantasized that my phone rang. It was Val. She wanted to meet me. I asked her where? She said right where you are.
I have hesitated to write to you beloved, because I have been very sad that Val is in Heaven and I am on Earth. The separation for me is very painful. But today, the Lord reminded me that Val is meeting all those christians in my family and Nancy's family that have gone before us. This is especially pleasant since no one in our immediate family are christians so these saints of previous generations were unknown to us. Also, Julie told me that in Val's last days in her body, she whispered to her to say hello to Tim Sharp and Randy Moersch for her.
Chad is working hard on linking Val's Slideshow shown at her memorial service to this blog. You will love it.
Godspeed Beloved
posted by McCrea Family at 11:31 AM
11 Comments:
Thank you for keeping us posted. I believe there are many who are still lifting your families up to our Lord. Because of Val's tremendous spirit there is such a tremendous hole. We continue to pray for healing for your families.
Thank you for sharing with us all.
Thanks for sharing about the terrible hole in your heart. Grief is the price we pay for the ability to love. Since you've loved a lot, the hole is deep. I pray that the Lord will continue to comfort you as you walk down this lonely road before we all see Val again on that day of all days.
I am so sad for the emptyness you feel. It is exceptionally difficult to move forward with the mundane and trivial activities right now, but what a wonderful blessing to your son-in-law and grandsons that you are there with them. We will continue to pray for you and your family.
my family will continue to pray for you during this time. My daughter is in ryans class and although i didnt personally know Val I want you to know our hearts and thoughts are with you. If you ever need help with anything feel free to let me know I would love to be of help with the boys. i have them in aftercare at school and they are a joy to me.
One thing comes to my mind when i think of what you may be going through. it is this
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:
"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."
The LORD replied:
"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you.
I really believe that the Lord is carrying your family right now. It may seem hard but always remember that right now God is with you and will be your stength. Also remember that everytime you see the boys you are seeing val for her blood runs through their veins and she will forever live on in their smiles. God Bless You and may God carry you all Your strength is in the Lord for without him we can do nothing.
Melissa Malcolm
Lauren Shegas's mom
Dear Richard, Nancy, Chris and all that loved her...I too feel a hole in my heart or a void. I cannot tell you how many times I have picked up the phone to call her and share a story, a mood, a funny story only to realize she would not be on the other end of the line. Chris returned a phone call last week and my phone read "Val calling" for a split second I was so stoked! I miss my friend and although I am thrilled that she is no longer in pain and with our wonderful Lord and Savior...I miss laughing about everything and nothing all at the same time with my friend. I try to share stories or my hurting heart to somehow make it more real in my mind and heart as if I am trying to accept or convince myself that this is indeed happening and yet I don't feel better. I know what I believe so though it doesn't feel right I am "casting my burden upon the Lord" and waiting patiently for him to sustain me which he does as promised by I still feel broken so I cannot imagine how you must feel. Please know that we love you all, and are praying daily for him to sustain you too!
I read something this evening at a dinner party and it made me think of your precious daughter. It was by Maya Angelou:
"It is not the years in your life that count, It is the Life in your years"
Beloved, your daughter had ALOT of life in the short years she visited this earth! She touched lives and changed hearts! She accomplished some of Gods greatest goals I am certain!
In His Grip,
Mary and Family
I know what you are feeling. I lost a dearly loved family member and not a day goes by when he is not in my thoughts. The pain and emptiness in your heart will never go away, but time has a way of making it duller and bearable. The thought that one day I will see him again gets me through the days. I know he is in a better place, free of pain, with our Lord and is watching over me. I keep your family in my prayers. Know you are not alone. The world is a better place because of Valerie McCrea. She lives on in the hearts of all of you, and her love shines through in Ryan, Gavin and Tyler. God Bless you all.
Thank you for sharing from your heart. I still look at the blog everyday, and I still shed a tear. Life just doesn't seem fair at times. I have so many questions when I get to heaven. I will continue to pray for all of you. Thank you for this blog. Love, dawn from AG
Dear Mr. Sloan,
Thank you for being transaparent. Thank you to your entire family for being so honest and open with your lives. Even Val...when she was so visibly ill still showed up to school to pick up her boys. I have known other families dealing with terminal illnesses to go into "hiding". But to hear about Ryan and Gavin being at school the very next day of Val's passing and even running in the school jog-a-thon on the day of their mom's memorial spoke volumes to me. You and your family have illustrated what it looks like to walk out your faith...to seek the Lord's glory in the "every day"...to see your grandsons resume life with joy despite their loss, is a great testimony. Opening your heart and your life is a huge comfort and serves as an example to all of us. Yes, there is pain and emptiness...but Praise God He doesn't expect us to walk this out alone, for He never forsakes us and will continue to carry us through this time. Val left a sweet aroma; that lingering fragrance of the knowledge of Christ that keeps bringing us back to this blog even after her departure. We will continue to keep your family in prayer. Thank you for blessing us with your lives.
Much Love,
Parent from Valley Christian School
Dear Richard,
Thank you for sharing your heartache with us. I too continue to look at the blog everday. It became a part of my life for the last year and a half. It is comforting to still see new entries from you. I felt so bad saying good bye to all of you last weekend. I miss Val so much and want to pick up the phone to say hello to her often. I called Chris last week and heard her voice on the machine. It was sad but comforting to hear her.
I can only imagine the hole in your heart. I appreciatet your honesty and words spoken from your heart.
Val played a large part in my life and I miss her something terrible. Even though she is gone she is still with us in our hearts. She will never be forgotten and will live on in her boys.
She is now healed and living with the Lord. I am comforted in my faith and knowing that she is looking down upon us smiling.
I loved Deanna's story about Val and the rainbow. It rained here yesterday and I saw a rainbow and stopped and said a prayer for Val.
Val was larger than life. She was always smiling and helping others. She was an inspiration to me and I will always remember her.
I miss you Valerie
Love,
Marianne
My heart aches for your family. Valerie is with God and in such a better place. She is smiling down on all of us. Her spirit lives through her kids, family, and friends. There is something that everyone will always carry with them from Valerie. We will continue to check the blog and pray for peace.
Thank you Richard for sharing your heartfelt sorrow. The hole you are feeling must be bigger than life as it is for many of us. We didn't yet thank you and Nancy for opening your home and hearts to us the weekend we were in San Diego. You made us all feel so warm and welcome in spite of your heartache.
I am constantly reminded of Val through people, places and things. Driving home east from San Diego there was a big puffy white cloud in the sky and it was shaped like a heart. On the Monday we got back I was running on a trail near our house and I couldn't believe the beautiful desert flowers that were in my path...I don't remember them being there before...I couldn't help but think of Char talking to Ryan and Gavin, letting them know that their mom would always be with them whether it be a rainbow or pretty flower. I know this was Val letting me know she was okay. I will never again take these signs for granted. Thank you Val. I miss you.
Val's passing has had a huge impact on our life. She was an amazing woman who is missed terribly! We will continue to pray for Chris and the boys and I know Chuck is working on a riding weekend with Chris real soon.:)
Take Care and God Bless, from Jody in AZ
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