Day to Day
I wanted to say Thank You to all the people that attended Val’s Memorial Service. It was just an incredible testament to the beautiful giving person she was. There were so many of her friends there, it was nice to see all the support. The rain was so fitting and the Rainbow’s that every one witnessed going home to San Diego and Orange County were Val showing us she is in Heaven and doing just fine. Val’s was such an incredible women!! She always cared so much about other people and how they were doing. Even when the call came that she had a rare form of Liver Cancer and that she only had months left she cared even more about others than her self. She never once complained about herself or her situation even thru 18 straight months of being on Chemo. She was always uplifting and was more worried about the kids or how I was doing. I’m not saying that she was not worried about herself but she always had that incredible gift to give way more than she took, always!! Everyone loved her so much for that.It’s been so difficult with her not around. Sunday was always Church / Family day and just hanging out around the house. It was very difficult with her not around today. Last Sunday I took Ryan and Gavin Motocross riding for the first time since earlier Nov. They had a blast. I’m keeping very busy with them between Baseball and School. It’s just like a have a huge part of my heart ripped out and there is no way for any one to fix it. We were married for over 11 years and knew each other for 6 years before. With my health problems over the last 5 years Val always joked about getting a new husband at 55 because I wouldn’t be around anymore. This was only in a joking sense, but she was so healthy and it was just the big joke.
Today I decided to replace our old worn out Bedspread that was falling apart. I’ve never bought one before or at least for the last 13 years. This was Val’s position on the team. She was the expert shopper and always came home with things for the house and our room to show me. It was so hard going out today getting something that she normally would do. I was going to call a couple of her friends to asked where I should go or if they wanted to come along to help, but I figured that I need to start learning this thread count stuff and bedding language on my own.
At night after the kids are asleep that was our time to talk and hangout. Now the house is so quiet and there is nobody to talk with. The pain I’m feeling now was unimaginable before. I know she has been very sick for the last 6 months and that this disease dose not have any percents of positive outcomes associated with it but we always wanted to hold on to the hope that she would be the one. She never wanted to talk about, what if. She only wanted to talk about when I’m better we will do. We all wanted to believe that would be the outcome. I guess what I’m trying to say is that even if you know it’s not good, it’s very hard to prepare until it really happens and then it’s so overwhelming. It’s one of those things that you can never really be ready for.
I just know that she is in a better place and is now Pain Free… She went thru so much the last 18 months with all the hospital visits.
I really want to say Thank You to Richard and Nancy for all their dedication and Love. Thanks to Amy Nelson for the coordinating all the Dinners and to all the friends that have brought them over. Char you gave so much over the last 18 months too. Always ready to help even if there was 1,000 miles between. Val loved you so much. You are one incrediable Aunt!! Dawn you were with Val so much the last 18 months. She loved you for all your help and support. You were there for her with whatever she needed. Thank You for all your support with Val and awesome care of the Boy's! Val and I were so lucky to have picked such an incredible neighborhood to live in for almost 4 years. It has been such a blessing to have neighbors that are willing to do what ever to help out from the bottom of there hearts. Also, it brought us to Valley Christian School and this was another huge blessing. All the parents and staff are the best!! We have only been there two years, but it feels like family. Val loved all the Moms in the “Moms in Touch” group too. They were such good friends to her. I can’t possibly say thanks to everyone, just know the McCrea Family is very grateful for all the love and support!!
Val was always looking forward to becoming a Mother. When that opportunity came with the birth of Ryan she could not have been any happier. That continued with Gavin and Tyler. She was such an incredible Mother who did so much for her Boys. Gavin was her tender heart and he had such a close bond with her. I will really need to work on filling this void. I can be Dad; it’s easy with three boys.
I’m so blessed to have three beautiful Boys’ from her. I want to share with the boys all the great memories of Val in the future. If you have any great Val stories and want to share them feel free to post them under the comments or email them to me at mccreach@yahoo.com
-Chris
posted by McCrea Family at 12:27 AM
16 Comments:
Chris,
I know that this is going to be a very hard time for you. Please know that you are never alone. God is with you every step of the way through this new chapter in your life. Val is with you too. I can't tell you how many times she told me how wonderful you are, how much she was attracted to you (she was always telling me how cute you looked when you put on a suit and went to work :) what a great father you were and how much she knew you were the love of her life. She told me that she had found her soulmate in you. She loved you with every ounce of her. Know that and believe that. She is still with you in your heart. She would want you to go forward with loving memories of her. You and Val made 3 beautiful boys. The most beautiful boys I have ever seen. They will carry on Val's spirit in them and will be wonderful men because of your example as a father. You are so good with them and they love you so much.
Even though this is difficult getting the boys to school, doing homework feeding them, loving them feel her with you everyday because she has not left you. She is looking down at you giving you the strength to keep going. She is still in your heart.
It is also important to reach out to friends, family and your great neighbors. Sometimes people don't know what to do to help. Sometimes people feel like they need to give you space and they don't want to intrude. It doesn't mean that they don't want to help...they do...just ask them for help. They will be there.
I miss Val too Chris. I wish I was closer and could help you more. Please feel free to call me anytime you feel scared or alone. It makes my heart break to know that you are so sad.
I have so many fun memeories of Val and you together. You were such a wonderful couple who loved each other so much. I always told Val that I could see how much you loved her and how much she loved you by the way you looked at each other. It was really very special.
Val was really a very special person who had the ability to unite friends together. I feel like even her new friends like Kerry, Osil and Tammy are now my friends. She reunited Deanna and I and I know that we will always be great friends because of Val. This was what Val did. She made everyone feel the close friendships that she had made and entwined us all together in a little knot.
You also have two incredible friends in Dan and Mark. Mark told me when I was leaving "don't worry about Chris because I've got his back forever. I will stick close to him", Dan has been and will continue to be a great friend to you too. Remember that Chris and reach out when you are having a tough day.
We all care about you and love you.
Your friend,
Marianne
I do not know how your family has managed to keep blogging. Thank for all the updates because we continue to pray for your family and wonder everyday how your family is doing now. My family lost someone to this same illness and we are thinking of things to do in his memory since we are approaching one year. We will never forget.
Chris,
Your words touch my heart and I can't imagine the void you must feel. I want to take Marianne's message to you and say a big ditto, Val shared a lot with Marianne and she is right on when she expresses how much Val loved you. Val had so much to fight for and she fought with everything she had in her. I remember her telling me the big challenge during the eighteen months was dealing with the cancer and trying hard to keep some sense of normalcy in her life and the lives of her family. Based on what she was facing and the times that I spent with Val I believe she did a tremendous job!
I remember getting a phone message from Val a while back, we had been playing phone tag and she let a few days go by without calling. She called saying sorry I haven't called you back, I had chemo today, just finished feeding the kids, did their homework, you know the drill. She was so matter of fact and as you mentioned never complained! I will always admire Valerie for her strength.
You asked for Val stories.....wow so many wonderful times with Val. One memory I have that I can picture vividly is our trip to Chicago last May. It was a long couple days meeting with doctors, nutritionist, counselor, physical therapist, etc. Ryan went with us because Val was concerned about him and she didn't want to leave him behind on this particular trip. So we did our best to make it fun for Ry. The Block center was awesome and had a nice set up for him to watch movies and hang out. I can picture him skating around the center in his cool skate shoes. (I'm sure there is a special name for these). One afternoon we got out early and drove around looking for a park. We stopped off at the lake and played with Ryan by the shore. We then found this huge, beautiful park and took Ry over to play. I know Val was tired and experiencing some pain but Ryan wanted to play tag at the park. Val was not going to let her discomfort ruin a moment with her precious boy and she proceeded to play the best game of tag I have ever witnessed. She and Ryan were laughing so hard and running around the playground, it was such a beautiful sight. I remember thinking to myself I can't believe we are here meeting with doctors having these converstions while Val looks so incredibly healthy. It was all so surreal. But that is what Val did, she lived life to the fullest even when she was faced with the biggest challenge of her life. She continued to live LIFE! And she lived it with passion.
Chris-one thing Val and I always joked about was that we had very similar taste. We would often go to each others house and say, "I just bought that for my house." We had the same dishes, the same artwork, the same shoes and clothes. We had the tendency to pick out the same things. We loved to shop together, as a matter of fact we were shopping one evening in Chicago and we both bought the same pair of shoes. I use to joke with Val and say her enthusiasm made me want to spend money. I guess the reason for me bringing this up is, if you ever want a shopping buddy I will be more than happy to join you and I will do my best to pick out what I think Valerie would like. Valerie decorated her home with love and it would be an honor to help you anytime you need anything.
We all love you Chris.
Deanna
To Val's family, friends and loved ones,
I can't tell you how following Val's journey via the blog and Char's updates have increased my faith. She touched me so, a person she may not have known at all. My love goes out to all of you, and may the pain abate as faith increases with the knowledge she is with you, watching over. With Love, Laurie Kellogg
Dear Chris, It breaks my heart to hear the sadness and loss in your heart. I lost my dad as a child to cancer. To this day I can see every moment, every detail up to the end. I can tell you from experiance the pain WILL slowly go away. It really will. The emptiness you have will get better. You will never forget and you will be brought to tears from time to time as the years pass. But just know you will feel better. You will laugh and smile again whithout feeling guilty that you are going on. Hang in there. You have so much support and you are lucky for that. Take care and no the pain will slowly pass. I know at this time its hard to imagine, but it will.
I look forward to seeing you at the river this summer with the boys enjoying all the things you and Val did as a family.
Jamee Webb
Chris and family,
While I don't know your family directly I have been praying for you faithfully. I'm Sean's (Chad's friend and partner in SLO) sister. My husband passed away in January. Your Val is up rejoicing in heaven with my John. I don't know that I have the perfect comforting words for you but I know what keeps me going - God's promises. My favorite verse is Philippians 4:13 - "I can do everything through him who strengthens me". As I try to keep going with the everyday things like school, sports, church, etc. I find myself saying this over and over in my head. It is so comforting to know that God has a plan for my life and for my kids lives. There will lots of bad days but lots and lots of good days (and that is OK). I'm praying for you,the boys and the family all daily as you try to move into your "new" normal schedule (still don't know if I'm at normal yet). Peace and blessings to the whole family,
Shannon Rojas
Hi Chris!
Aside from our small group, most of my memories of Valerie are from our High School Group at Emmanuel Faith, so I'll take you back there to a time before you met her. As I mentioned before, she was in the group of gals that first approached me and welcomed me when we first moved to San Diego.
Although I never became super close to her outside of church, she's just someone that was always there and fun to talk to. Everytime I saw her she was laughing or joking around with someone. She had such a confidence and easiness about her and her beauty was always so radiant. Those years were so foundational to who I am today. So many of us enjoyed summer trips to Hume Lake and K-47 (the Mexico Sand Dunes). There's an image I have of her just rolling down those dunes and enjoying God's wonderful creation! There were also so many Sundays and Wednesdays we gathered in that big high school room singing praises, learning about God, and just making friends. I'm sure she loved going to church as much as I did!
I remember at the time being sad that time would continue on and I'd loose touch with so many of these people. Then I ran into Val again at SDSU and we'd sit and chat on campus back in 1989/1990. I loved having that familiar face there on such a big campus! Then we lost touch again until I moved back to Escondido in 1998. My Mom ran into her at church and heard about a small group she was in. She gave Val my number which is how we ended up in that wonderful group where I think there was always somebody pregnant. We wondered how the dynamics would change once our kids all started crawling and becoming more mischievious. I was so excited when I received the invite from Val to ring in the New Millineum at your house with the wonderful friends we had made. I was very pregnant with Justin. Mike and I talk about that and remember playing your cool racing car game on the computer - WOW - that was technology!
Then we moved to AZ in 2001 and there's only a few people I kept in touch with from the group, and I'm still not sure why Valerie wasn't one of them. I wish more than anything I had realized what she was going through so I could have reconnected with her.
I'm glad you have so many people around you when it would be so easy to become isolated. I'm sure it seems impossible at times to wonder how God could work this together for good, but that is His promise and some of it we may never know the answers to while we are trapped in our earthly bodies.
Our family continues to pray for yours every night aloud at the dinner table, and I say a prayer outloud with Justin every morning when I take him to school. I have lifted up hundreds of silent prayers also, and thanks for being so transparent through this blog.
Much love from our family to yours!
Debbie Pulte
also - Mike, Justin (7), Kyle & Chance (5), and Savanna (2).
I think about you all everyday. I can't imagine the pain & heartache you feel. I met Val in high school and in thinking back she WAS always similing and happy. I got reacquainted with her at Emmanuel Faith but never really hung out with her. I always looked for her just to say hi. I wish I came to know her better. I keep her memorial from the paper on my refrigerator just to remind me not to take life for granted and to not sweat the small stuff as I so often do with four kids. Thanks so much for your words, your memories; I, too, keep checking the blog daily. Through this blog, Val has become an inspiration to me. You all have. God Bless You.
Hi Chris -
Thank you for opening your heart to all of us in this blog.
You were so strong and always had a smile for everyone over the last 18 months. I now know that you were filled with huge hope, as all of us were. Now is the time when you will need to allow yourself to feel the pain, the sorrow and everything that goes with the transition of a loved one. That includes the laughter and happiness that life gives you in large doses.
I cannot imagine what you must be feeling on a day to day, moment to moment basis. I can only offer you our open hearts and our outreaching hands should you need a hug, help or just a neighbor to say "Hey" to.
I admire your honesty and transparency. I have no doubt that your boys will be well loved and their Mom, Val McCrea, well remembered!
Love Your Neighbor,
Terri and The Ensor Boys
Chris,
Thank you for sharing your heart with everyone. You are in my thoughts daily, and I lift you up in prayer, as well.
I had the privledge of knowing Val for almost 30 years. She taught me about so many things...endurance, discipline, laughter, silliness, determination, grace, selflessness, family, the list could go on and on. I will carry on in my heart and memory all of these things.
There was only one Val. I have never had a friend or never will again have a friend like her. She was truly one of a kind, and I loved her for that. I knew if I ever lent Val anything (when we were kids), that it would somehow end up lost. My pink rosebud earrings, my brown sweater, my favorite striped jumpsuit. (My jumpsuit wasn't lost, it just had something really bad happen to it in the dryer. (That story, if you haven't heard it, is for another time. Val might not like it if I published it on the blog...)What I'm trying to say is...sometimes Val could be a little "airheadish". As a matter of fact, we often referred to her as an airhead. She didn't mind much, because she knew it herself. But, Val was inspiring. Her enthusiasm for life was contagious. I loved her upbeat, energetic personality. I loved it when she'd make me do the 30 Minute Workout in front of the TV with her. She pushed me. And she got away with it. And I'm so very thankful for those memories.
God will take care of you, Chris. He promises to never leave you. Cling to that promise every day. Invite His peace in every morning when you open the blinds. His mercies are new every morning.
We are just a phone call and 15 minutes away. When you need to just get away and need help with the boys, or need anything at all, we are here to help. Remember that.
Love,
Christina Earwicker and family
Chris, we are so sorry! Bill and I find it hard to believe that Val was sick like she was. Val was a Beautiful lady inside and out. You are in our prayers for healing and not feeling such a void. Please know that our hearts go out to you and the boys. Val, Bill, Liam, and Claire Persichetti
Dear Chris:
I cannot put into words the feelings I have had reading the blog messages. How I admired and appreciated the way all of you have shared your most intimate thoughts during this most difficult time.
I want you to know I pray for you and the boys and please know that if you needed something that I could do for you -- I am feeling well these days -- I would love to help you.
My love and prayers.
Grandma Sarah
Chris, Thanks for sharing your moments with us. Know that prayers are coming on your and the boys' behalf.
Thank you for sharing your deepest feelings, Chris. I have read and re-read your blog entry several times, praying each time for all of you. Having "lost" more than one loved one to cancer, I know that pain of separation. Nothing can fill the void except God's love and you will experience that over time. May His peace, hope and love continually surround you.
"The sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights."
Habakkuk 3:19
I did the liver walk today at the San Diego Zoo. It was beautiful at the Zoo 6:30 this morning. Its amazing how may animals are out and about behind the scenes. Val was on my mind all morning. Lots of teams with pictures of children that they were walking for. It was a good thing. We are still fighting. Rest in Peace Val....
J. Webb
Thank you for sharing, I was fighting my cancer. A week after I turned 45 I was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer that spread to my liver. It was a long hard journey but July 19 will be 5 years cancer free after drinking Dr Itua herbal medicine. I wish the best for anyone with cancer and I will recommend Dr Itua to anyone with cancer and Dr Itua will cure you completely. I’m thankful I meant Dr Itua on www.drituaherbalcenter.com. Stay on them about the ox platinum that can leave you with permanent damage. They backed down on mine after drinking dr itua herbal medicine and I don’t have any permanent side effects. Much love from California stays strong . If you have any questions You can write to Dr Itua Herbal Center on drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com.
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