Difficult Moments for a Mom to Remember
When Val went to be with the Lord on April 15, 2007, my heart ached. I had been watching her slowly lose ground. Each time she lost ground physically, God gave that measure back to me in love for her. As she began slipping away, my love for her was beyond comprehension. I laid next to her, I kissed her face and said to her, "Val, I love you so much. If I could choose anyone in this whole world to be my daughter, I would choose you." I was filled with a joy I had never known. I knew God was filling me with his Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 became so real to me. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may over flow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." "Lord that is it precisely~joy and peace. As Val slipped into eternity, I couldn't get that song, "I'll Fly Away," out of my head. I was so thankful her journey of pain was over and that she was with her Lord in Heaven. The words, "Absent from the body and present with the Lord," never sounded sweeter. I was comforted by the God of all comfort.These two treasured moments were to difficult to tell anyone without a years' perpective.
About six weeks before Val left us, one evening we were sitting together and I was holding her hand. I could tell she was struggling. I had just taken off my shoes. All of a sudden, she got up and sat on the floor in front of me. She started to massage my feet and I said, "Val, please don't do that, let me massage your feet." She said, "Mother, I must do this for you. There will be a day when you will need me to help you and I will not be there. This is for that time. Let me do this for you now. We both began to cry. We realized this moment would not be relived or forgotten.
As Easter was approaching a few weeks ago, I began reading John 13 and was surprised at what I read.
. . "just before the Passover Feast, Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love. Jesus knew that he had come from God and was returning to God. . .he poured water in a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet."
I was reminded of that night with Val. She was able to show the full extent of her love for me and I didn't see that correlation until then.
Many of Val's friends have become my friends. As the April 15th date looms ahead, I have appreciated having them in my life. They are filling this next week with activities around remembering Val. They know that Julie and her family now live in San Luis Obispo. They know the sadness I feel not having either daughter near.
When the reality of Val not being here set in for Chris and the three boys, it was so tough and a year later continues to be tough. Chris has done an amazing job balancing work and play time. So many teachers, parents, friends and family have helped Chris keep the boys on as normal a schedule as possible. They have fun in their motor home and Chris is helping coach the boys baseball team. When we see Chris, Richard and I wish we could take his pain away. We know that God heals broken hearts.
My Bible study group from Emmanuel Faith went down to Cox Arena to see Beth Moore this weekend. There were 9,000 plus women singing praises to the Lord and it was amazing. I heard this voice behind me say, "Hey Mom." I jumped in my seat and turned around. My heart sank because it sounded just like Val. It wasn't Val and I cried. I miss her more than words can say. As Beth Moore began teaching Psalm 139, I was reminded of my God:
Psalm 139 "O,LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise, you perceive my thoughts from afar. . .all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
I am known and Valerie is known. She will live on in the hearts of those who love her until Jesus returns.
Thank you dear saints for walking this journey with us. Oh that you could know our heart and see how thankful we are for each of you who have prayed for us.
In the name of our Lord,
Nancy Sloan
posted by McCrea Family at 1:29 PM
16 Comments:
Val was ill during the same time as my Mom and with the same illness. I miss my Mom and its been almost two years. I feel like I knew Val and her journey and still look at this website from time to time. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with all of us.
I was so glad to check the blog after almost a year and hear you are doing well with God as your strength. My husband Joe is still fighting and it has been almost two years. The hard part is starting and I love the verses that give you strength. Prayers to you whole family. You have been an inspiration to all of us. Mary Anne Coburn
Praying for you today in St. Louis. Praising God for His love, shown through the Sloan/McCrea family and friends.
4/15/08
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without affect,
without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you,
for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just around the corner.
All is well.
~ Henry Scott Holland
Remembering Val today, always near and always in our thoughts.......
Last night in the middle of the night I woke as I often do. I got up to check on my children and in my youngest daughters bedroom her clock calendar was flashing 4-15-08, it stopped me in my tracks remembering this was the day that Val went to the Lord. As I stood there looking at my sweet innocent child I thought of Val. I thought of how she would love to be standing in her youngest Childs room in the middle of the night watching him sleep and it made me sad for a moment. Then like a flash it came to me that she IS in her children’s rooms and in her husband’s room and in her siblings, parents and friends rooms. I can not say I have experienced a loss of this magnitude, but I know for sure that God is gracious and God is glorious and God is with us at all times. My prayers are with all of you today and always. I pray that you all can get through this day with the fondest of memories of your sweet Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister and Friend. It is so amazing the people that Valerie touched in her life and how many still think of her and her strength. I personally met Val when she was 16, and very feisty. I always admired her tenacity for life and her love of God. When I think of her I just remember a vibrant, gloriously happy and strong human being. Though we lost touch as adults, through this blog I feel as though I knew her in this life. Thank you to Richard, Nancy and Chris for giving such a wonderful gift in keeping this blog. You all have touched many lives. May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all on this day and always. Peace.
Heidi DeuPree
I, too, like so many others have thought about Val today and the family. My prayers go out to each and every one of you. Thank you so much for continuing this blog. It has been such a blessing to me to read it.
I lost my wife to cancer four months after Chris lost Valerie. We've chatted a few times. Yesterday was the 8-month anniversary of Jeseca going to be with our Lord. I know how you feel, and all I can say is that God is good and faithful to carry us through. Please give my best to Chris. Jon Graves
Nancy, thank you for your words! I think of your sweet Val often and miss her too! She was the ONE girlfriend that "always had my back" (her words)it is a rare treasure to find a friend like that! You are so blessed to have many!
Lovingly,
Mary
Nancy,
My heart aches for you at this time. I cannot imagine the pain that you, Richard, Chris and your entire family have endured. Val was a very special person. She had a huge heart and a huge personality. She was kind, funny, thoughtful and had a very strong faith in God. Thank you for sharing that very personnal story with us Nancy. I know how close you two were and how very much she loved you. Whenever I was visitng Val while she was sick, she always wanted you there with her everyday. You were her rock. I think of her often when I have a small complaint and it gives me strength and perspective in my life. I am not the same person having faced her passing. I know that she is in heaven and at peace. She brought Deanna and I back together after having lost touch for several years. She called me and said you have to call Deanna, you both got married this year - call her today! I am so grateful because Deanna is such a dear friend to me.
Val enters my thoughts everyday even in some small way. My husband was taking care of the move in date on our new home and closing etc. He came home and told me we were moving in on April 15th. Val knew how much I wanted to get married and have a home to share with someone. After 9 months of searching for a home I find interesting that our move in date was April 15th.
My God hold you in his heart and give you strength today and everyday.
I miss my friend Val.......
Love to you
Marianne
Nancy,
My heart aches for you at this time. I cannot imagine the pain that you, Richard, Chris and your entire family have endured. Val was a very special person. She had a huge heart and a huge personality. She was kind, funny, thoughtful and had a very strong faith in God. Thank you for sharing that very personnal story with us Nancy. I know how close you two were and how very much she loved you. Whenever I was visitng Val while she was sick, she always wanted you there with her everyday. You were her rock. I think of her often when I have a small complaint and it gives me strength and perspective in my life. I am not the same person having faced her passing. I know that she is in heaven and at peace. She brought Deanna and I back together after having lost touch for several years. She called me and said you have to call Deanna, you both got married this year - call her today! I am so grateful because Deanna is such a dear friend to me.
Val enters my thoughts everyday even in some small way. My husband was taking care of the move in date on our new home and closing etc. He came home and told me we were moving in on April 15th. Val knew how much I wanted to get married and have a home to share with someone. After 9 months of searching for a home I find interesting that our move in date was April 15th.
My God hold you in his heart and give you strength today and everyday.
I miss my friend Val.......
Love to you
Marianne
Dear Nancy,
It has been a very long time since I've checked this blog; but, something prompted me to do so tonight. Your story of Val rubbing your feet reminded me of the beautiful person she was. And what a wonderful mother you must have been to Val. I do think of you from time to time and am really happy you are surrounded by many of Val's loving friends.
Happy Mother's Day to a truly fabulous mother!
With Love,
Lainie Hulse
Dear Nancy,
You and your entire family area always in my special thoughts and prayers. My mom experienced the loss of a daughter just like you have. I know what you are experiencing from a daughter's point of view. Know that Valerie is smiling down on you. She is always with you.
Love always,
Maricris Enriquez
Happy Birthday Ryan,
I hope you have a fun birthday tomorrow!
I love you,
Marianne
I don't know what brought me back to this blog but I miss Val's presence here in Stone Canyon.
I have linked my Dad's blog to Val's because it was a place I visited often to understand where Dad was going with his disease. Val was an amazing example of how to fight and live with cancer. Please view it at www.joesinformation.blogspot.com as he is in his final days and at peace. I hope the boys and the family are all well.
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