Difficult Moments for a Mom to Remember

When Val went to be with the Lord on April 15, 2007, my heart ached. I had been watching her slowly lose ground. Each time she lost ground physically, God gave that measure back to me in love for her. As she began slipping away, my love for her was beyond comprehension. I laid next to her, I kissed her face and said to her, "Val, I love you so much. If I could choose anyone in this whole world to be my daughter, I would choose you." I was filled with a joy I had never known. I knew God was filling me with his Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 became so real to me. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may over flow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." "Lord that is it precisely~joy and peace. As Val slipped into eternity, I couldn't get that song, "I'll Fly Away," out of my head. I was so thankful her journey of pain was over and that she was with her Lord in Heaven. The words, "Absent from the body and present with the Lord," never sounded sweeter. I was comforted by the God of all comfort.

These two treasured moments were to difficult to tell anyone without a years' perpective.

About six weeks before Val left us, one evening we were sitting together and I was holding her hand. I could tell she was struggling. I had just taken off my shoes. All of a sudden, she got up and sat on the floor in front of me. She started to massage my feet and I said, "Val, please don't do that, let me massage your feet." She said, "Mother, I must do this for you. There will be a day when you will need me to help you and I will not be there. This is for that time. Let me do this for you now. We both began to cry. We realized this moment would not be relived or forgotten.

As Easter was approaching a few weeks ago, I began reading John 13 and was surprised at what I read.

. . "just before the Passover Feast, Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love. Jesus knew that he had come from God and was returning to God. . .he poured water in a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet."

I was reminded of that night with Val. She was able to show the full extent of her love for me and I didn't see that correlation until then.

Many of Val's friends have become my friends. As the April 15th date looms ahead, I have appreciated having them in my life. They are filling this next week with activities around remembering Val. They know that Julie and her family now live in San Luis Obispo. They know the sadness I feel not having either daughter near.

When the reality of Val not being here set in for Chris and the three boys, it was so tough and a year later continues to be tough. Chris has done an amazing job balancing work and play time. So many teachers, parents, friends and family have helped Chris keep the boys on as normal a schedule as possible. They have fun in their motor home and Chris is helping coach the boys baseball team. When we see Chris, Richard and I wish we could take his pain away. We know that God heals broken hearts.

My Bible study group from Emmanuel Faith went down to Cox Arena to see Beth Moore this weekend. There were 9,000 plus women singing praises to the Lord and it was amazing. I heard this voice behind me say, "Hey Mom." I jumped in my seat and turned around. My heart sank because it sounded just like Val. It wasn't Val and I cried. I miss her more than words can say. As Beth Moore began teaching Psalm 139, I was reminded of my God:

Psalm 139 "O,LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise, you perceive my thoughts from afar. . .all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

I am known and Valerie is known. She will live on in the hearts of those who love her until Jesus returns.

Thank you dear saints for walking this journey with us. Oh that you could know our heart and see how thankful we are for each of you who have prayed for us.

In the name of our Lord,

Nancy Sloan

Life Is A Journey

The days of our lives are closing in on one year since our beloved left the Earth behind. I think about her every day. No one or nothing can fill the hole her absence has left in our hearts. A couple of weeks ago, we were across the street at Dan's house enjoying his beautiful back yard. A perfect southern California day. Tyler was alone in the jacuzzi and I was watching him. He looked up into the sky and shouted, mommy mommy mommy. Yesterday, I talked to Val's big brother Jeff, shown in the attached picture. He told me that he thinks about her a lot and has had times of sadness as April 15th approaches. I reminded him that God chose him, not us, to be with her when she died. If you want to be reminded of the measure of a man that Jeff became, go back to his "Tribute To Val" video that was posted on Jun 1, 2007. And just this weekend, Nancy came home from a Beth Moore Seminar at Cox Arena. Someone behind her shouted, "mom". To Nancy, it sounded like Val. She, Julie, and Val attended many seminars together in years gone by.

We all miss Val in our own way.

In his Preface to "The Great Divorce", C.S. Lewis said this; "But what, you ask, of Earth? Earth, I think, will not be found by anyone to be a very distinct place. I think Earth, if chosen instead of Heaven, will turn out to have been, all along, only a region of Hell; and Earth, if put second to Heaven, to have been from the beginning a part of Heaven itself."

Not only this valley that we are in, but all our earthly past will have been Heaven to the saved. Once attained, Heaven will work backwards and turn all the sorrows of this life into glory. This transformation begins even before our physical death. The saved man's past begins to change so that his forgiven sins and remembered sorrows take on the quality of Heaven. And that is why, at the end of all things, as the sun rises on that distant shore, the Blessed of God will say, "we have always been here". What seemed as we entered it to be a veil of misery and a salt desert, as we look back, will have been, in truth, pools full of water.

Here is picture of our boys. They are all in christian schools. Ryan and Gavin are playing baseball. Pray for Chris. he has a big job raising these indians. Pray for his health, back pain and Crohn's Disease. Pray for Christine, their Nanny.