Back To The Future

God Most High and His Beloved Son Jesus have always existed with God The Holy Spirit. At some point, before the creation of the Universe, Jesus created an untold host of angels. Like us, they were free to worship God or to turn their back on Him. Isaiah 14:12 tells us that some chose themselves above God and were cast down to the Earth.

Then Valerie came into God's mind. Before he created the Universe, He knew her. He looked down the tunnel of time and chose her. On October 23rd, 1968 He presented her as a gift to her mom and I. In the fullness of time, He called her. He forgave her. He set her apart. He empowers her. He enlightens her. He glorified her.

For 38 years, she has been a light in our life. We count it a high privilege to know her. She is a child of God Most High.

His ways are not my ways. I wish they were. But I will trust Him. I will always trust Him.

Val is doing well this morning. She continues to eat and drink. She is breathing well. She is pretty much pain free without a lot of medication. She continues to take Cipro, an antibiotic prescribed by Dr. Lo. Her stomach distension is a bit less today. Her bowel movements are good. As I write, she is sitting in the California sunshine watching the kids on the trampoline. I love California!

Please pray that Val's liver function improves and that the signs of circulation problems in her feet go away. In spite of all the "seen" symptoms that point to her leaving us soon, I continue to see the "unseen" power of God Most High. When we least expect, He can intervene.

May His name be praised forever

To Infinity And Beyond

Everybody who knows Buzz Lightyear remembers his rally cry "to infinity and beyond."

I thought of Buzz As I sat and prayed with my beloved Valerie this week while she fought the good fight on the 8th Floor of the Saperstein Critical Care Tower at Cedars Sinai.

I will follow Jesus to infinity and beyond. I will never take my eyes off Him. As Job said, "though He slay me , yet will I hope in Him.

Beloved, the pain we felt this week in the Critical Care Room at Cedars was worse than death. To see our Valerie intubated and restrained with a minimum amount of morphine because of the inability of the liver to process it was not unlike being in Hell.

Imagine the pain of your daughter, conscious and restrained, thinking she is suffocating, and looking at you in wide eyed fear, pleading for your help. It was the most painful night of my life.

To understand where we are this morning, we must go back to last Sunday. Val was dying. Her friends Christina and Pat were with her. We called Dr. Simon Lo at Cedars. He directed us to bring her to Cedars Emergency. She was admitted and an ERCP stent replacement was done Monday evening. Dr. Lo indicated that another replacement would be necessary in two weeks. On Wednesday, Dr. Lo and his colleague Dr. Sadda proposed that we change the stents again rather than waiting for two weeks. After a clinical, poignant, wrenching discussion with Dr. Sadda in the hallway, we decided to take Val home. Not to a room. Not in an ambulance. From Critical care to car to home. We agreed that it would be better to die in the car or at home than in a hospital in Beverly Hills. Dr. B, a skilled and compassionate palliative physician at Cedars arranged the discharge and medication necessary. So home we went. Chris, Val, and Nancy in the Chrysler. Julie and I in separate cars trailing behind.

San Diego Hospice is providing medical services to us. I explained that our intentions are to continue treating Valerie with all medication necessary to fight the infection and to continue saline IV. We made it very clear to them that we understand where Val is medically but we choose to press on with the cure. As long as they are ok with that, they can stay on the team.

Chris, Paul, and Mary Anne are with Val at this hour. My report is that Val is doing well today. 48 hours ago, Hospice said, “she has hours or days to live.” She has already blown away their first projection.

I have three prayer requests: Pray that Val’s stents begin to function normally. I would like to be making a call to Dr. Lo in two week’s time to book a stent replacement. Pray that the IV antibiotics kill the infection. Pray for physical strength for Chris.

Godspeed Beloved

P.S. Just to put our decision to bring Val home in context, can I describe a golden moment to you. After a crisis on Thursday morning at 5 am, Val got in bed with me in the spare room. As I was recalling to Val some of the apostle Paul's letters, Tyler woke up and got in bed with us. As I spoke, Val and Tyler were looking into each other's eyes. He reached over and caressed her face. Beloved, as our Lord said, " a day is as a thousand years in my value system." That tender moment was like ten thousand years.

Thursday Evening Update

Today was a busy day at the Mccrea house. Val started slow but as the day went on her strength improved. Val was surrounded by her loved ones and had good quality time with her family. Her comfort level is so much better. Her humor is coming through. We were asking her what she wanted to wear that was comfortable and she said how about nothing? We all got a good chuckle out of that. She gave Deanna a big smile when she walked in the door it was really cute to see.

Chris, Paul and Marianne are doing the night duty tonight keeping a close eye on her throughout the night. We have a new bed that is set up on the first floor of the house so that Val doesn't have to walk up and down the stairs. It has side rails on it so we won't be worried about her falling out of the bed.
We will make sure that she is not scared or dissoriented when she wakes up.

Val enjoys seeing her friends but please call first so that we know it will be a good time for Val, rather than just stopping by.

Val is sleeping and resting peacefully.

Prayer request:
1. We pray that we can manage Val's hydration levels.
2. Pray for the boys
3. Pray for Chris and the entire McCrea and Sloan family
4. Pray for Val's peace and comfort


Marianne, Paul and Chris

Our Sweet Val

Val has arrived at home and is surrounded by her loving family. Hospice arrived from 7:30pm until about 10:00pm. We are thankful for this organization of dedicated health care professionals. They are a real blessing and we appreciate their dedication to helping others in their time in need. Val is now resting comfortably in her own bed where she so desperately wanted to be.

Thanks again for your continued Prayers in our time in need.

Please continue to pray that:

Val's condition will stabilize
Her family will be strong through these trying times
Hospice will continue to comfort Val
Her pain will subside

Wednesday Evening Update: 5:25 PM PST

The Stent replacement procedure done yesterday was not successful. According to the doctors, the Sepsis (a severe blood infection) was causing her liver and kidney failure and generating fluid in her lungs. With much prayer and deliberation, and in meeting with Val's wishes, it was determined by everyone that Val should return home. The risk of her having surgery yesterday met with a high degree of uncertainty, but as always, we pressed ahead to take our chances. The high risk of Val undertaking another surgery so soon could cause to be fatal and not an option at this time. Val is determined to get home to her family. The McCrea family and doctors were in full agreement to release her so that she could return home to her 3 boys. Hospice has been called and Val will soon be comforted in her own home.

Please keep the Prayers coming.

- Please Pray that Val's condition will stabilize
- Pray that Chris, Richard, Nancy and the immediate family will be Strong through this very difficult time

A Major Call For Prayer

The McCrea family has just received some news that the stent will need to be replaced again. There is serious question if Val can endure the procedure. We know that Val is strong and has faced every major hurdle up to this point.

Please, please everyone take a minute and PRAY for Val as some serious decisions and critical maneuvering must be done under the direction of Dr. Lo and Val's family.

View From 8th Floor

Richard, Julie and I are sitting in the waiting area at Cedars in the Intensive Care Tower. We are on the 8th floor. It has the most incredible view of Beverly Hills and the surrounding mountains. Up close however, there is a sadness. It seems so many come to this city with expectations for greatness and find only poverty. We have been watching the faces of people as we step out of Cedars for a bite to eat or a breath of fresh air.

Chris has left for home with need of interaction with the boys and a good nights sleep.

There is an exhaustion that sets in when you haven't been to bed before 1:30. You would think that if all I had to keep track of was a purse, cell phone and water that I would be able to. But, it is a struggle. We continue to praise God for His presence, His Word and His care. The staff here is outstanding. There is a calm control while taking care of life and death situations.

After Val's stent replacement last night, we were sent to ICU. When we were able to see her, she had a breathing tube in her throat, a tube in her nose and her arms and legs were restrained. She was crying, gagging and fighting the restraints. They didn't want to sedate her to heavily because she has been lethargic. We were all crying and looking for help from the staff but they couldn't sedate her to the extent of knocking her out. We all sat by her for hours telling her to, " stop fighting the tube, take deep breaths, think of being at the beach." The suffering was great. The tube was removed at noon. This afternoon we have a new update for prayer.

1. She has a blood infection. They have adjusted her antibiotics to the blood cultures.Pray that the antibiotics do their job.
2. Her bilirubin is 11.5. Pray that goes way down.
3. Her ALT is 615 and the AST is 337. Normal is 50. Pray they go down.
4. She is making good urine but the numbers for her kidneys are not good.
5. Pray she regains some strength
6. Pray that she can be transferred out of ICU.
7. Pray for Chris and his sons. Chris is coming back in the morning.
8. Pray that Val can mentally stay alert.
9. Richard Julie and I as we stay with Valerie here at Cedars.

"Thank you" seems so little to say to the great team of people that help us. May God bless you richly. May His face shine upon you and give you peace.

God is the strength of our life and our portion forever. Hold your dear ones close to your heart.

Val's Mom, Nancy Sloan

Post ERCP Update

Val did fairly well last night thru the Procedure. Dr. Lo found that one of her Stents had shifted. The Bile was not draining which caused some fluid to get trapped and infected. He cleared all the puss where the fluid was. He did see a large Ulcer in there as well and didn’t know if it was Tumor related or what and would cause some discomfort. She tested positive for a Blood infection as well last night.

She went to the ICU after the procedure and had the breathing tube in. The ICU Dr. did not want too many meds in her, if she wants to get the tube out today. So as you can imagine she was trying to get to the tube, but her hands were restrained. It was very, very difficult to be there and not be able to help her. Richard showed up 15 min after she was in ICU. I went to sleep in the room for a little while and Richard was up all night. Nancy and Julie went to the hotel room.

Val is recovering well and the tube should be out by noon. Her blood pressure is up and looks better. She is on the IV antibiotics to cover the blood infection.

Please pray that -
The tube comes out ASAP and she is relaxed until then
The IV antibiotics work on the infection and there are no problems from it
Her strength increases and blood work keeps improving
The new stents drain the Bile correctly and that her Liver is working

-Chris

Monday Evening Update

It’s been a very long day filled with some highs and lows. We had very encouraging news from the first Dr. around 5:00 pm that everything is going very well and she will be fine. They said the small increase in her meds and constipation made her confused and disoriented. We have the constipation under control; she is more alert so we are happy. Dr. Lo her Stent Dr. wanted to do the ERCP tonight. When he went over the procedure with Nancy, Julie and I he was not to optimistic about the outcome. The Potassium level was at 5.7 and it will normally increase during the procedure. He was going over the Pro and Cons with us. He believes it’s an infection in the Liver but he is also worried about her Kidneys not functioning normally. This is why her Potassium is higher than normal. They will need to insert a breathing tube and she will be admitted to the ICU. This really caught us all of guard. Val is just really fragile right now and they wanted us to make sure we are aware of this…..

We need some Prayers right now during the 8:00 to 9:00 hour during the Procedure.

We pray that the procedure goes well and they can change the Stents.
She has no problems with the Potassium level and the medication.
The infection is obvious and that Dr. Lo can take care of it with no complications.
Val heals quickly from it and her blood levels get back to normal ASAP.

Val is strong and has put up a huge fight. She just needs to get over this small mountain so she can come back home ASAP.

-Chris

Monday Morning Update

Val is more responsive. The Dr’s seem encouraged and do not believe the Liver is failing at this point. They will be doing a Blood Transfusion very soon. Her HGB is 7.9, which is to low. This should help her to feel better. They were concerned about her Blood Pressure being to low. It was 88 over 45 at 6:00 am but has gone up a little now at 8:30. The transfusion will help some and she is getting her IV fluids at a faster rate now to counter the dehydration. She just started drinking contrast for a CT, so we should be getting this done in an hour.

Thanks for the prayers, keep them coming, we will be home soon!

-Chris

Cedars Update

Val and I are in a Telemetry room at Cedars for the night. Nancy and Julie were here earlier and left to a near by hotel at 11:00. When we got to the room there was no cot to be found. We started handing out some great tasting cookies and the nurse remembered where one was, interesting what food can do… We checked into the ER at 3:30 and got to the room at 10:45. She is very confused and it’s sooo hard to see her this way. They asked her what Month and Year it is and she could not answer. I wanted to help her so bad but there was nothing I could do! They ran all kinds of test on her and at one point they were pulling blood from each arm at the same time. They believe there’s an infection going on probably in her Liver by the stents. Her WBC count is 27 which is very high. We hope to have the stent Dr. change the stents tomorrow and find the cause of the infection. Also she has been very constipated but just started to go this morning. They believe this could be another source of her confusion. We are relieved that she is finally going. She is very drained and we hope the IV fluids will help. She only had a couple bits of food today.

We just came back from an Ultra Sound and the Tech said there is fluid in there?? At Scripps yesterday they did not find any. I will wait to get the finale review form the Dr in the morning. The Dr. just stated that they want to do a CT on the Chest but it’s not a Stat order so we can get some sleep now that it’s after 2:00.

Please Pray for the following.
-Val’s Medical team can find the source of the infection
-She continues her bowel movements
-Val’s confusion clears and she is back to normal
-Her liver is working normal and this is not the beginning signs of Liver failure
-She can get home to her 3 Boys ASAP
-The boy’s are not to worried about Mom that it effects there attitude and or behavior
-Tyler dose not say “Daddy Do, Daddy Do” to any of the team helping
-The team taking care of the Boy’s including the key players Richard and Dawn have strength and are up to the task.

Words can’t explain how awesome all the help is. She is the most beautiful giving person there is and it’s incredible to see the love and support you all give. THANKS.

Val will be home soon!!

-Chris

Urgent Prayer Request

Chris called yesterday morning to tell us that he was taking Val into Scripps Memorial Emergency. She had not urinated since Thursday. Chris and Danielle, Val's good nurse practitioner friend made the call. Tests were done and we thought that the ascites was causing the abdominal distension. We were wrong. After an ultrasound (painful), Dr. Smith, the excellent ER doc told us that it was probably due to impacted bowels and possibly liver swelling.

We decided not to admit her since this creates a nightmare procedure called hospital-to-hospital transfer that can result in languishing for a week at the hospital while you wait for a room.

After Chris conferred with Dr. Simon Lo, her stent doc at Cedars today, he directed us to get Val to Cedars ER stat.

As I write, Chris, Val, Julie, and Nancy are en route to Cedars. I am holding the fort in San Marcos.

Please pray for supernatural wisdom for every health care professional that touches Val at Cedars.

I am so optimistic that our dear one will come back to us. I also know that, medically speaking, we are at the end of our rope. As I kissed my beloved GodSpeed today, my prayer to God Most High is that I will once again see her alive in our world.

Thank you for your prayers. Our God hears all.

Gentle Reminder

This is a gentle reminder that this BLOG is only to show love, support, prayer and encouragement on behalf of our dear Valerie. No negative comments are welcome here. Authors of such posts are mislead and should be ashamed of themselves for soiling such outpourings of love for Valerie.

Thank you for your continued prayers for our dear Val.

Her sister, Julie

Who Is This Cutie?

You guessed it. Val started her phone conversations at an early age and has never stopped.

It has been a busy day. Val has made some small gains. Nancy tells me that she is less jaundiced today. Also, with the help of her mom, a great nurse, and Dr. Dean Tasher, I think we are making progress on what is probably the most critical issue, clearing the bowels for next week's procedures.

Dr. Lo decided that he had to deal with the ascites before he could perform the stent procedure. Tuesday, at 9 am, We are scheduled for paracentisis to tap and drain the ascites from her abdomen. This will give Dr. Lo more room to work. Her stent change will be performed at 2 pm on Tuesday.

Julie is arriving from San Luis Obispo tomorrow at noon. Jeff, Jan, and the kids are flying in from Prattville, Alabama tomorrow. We are scheuled to camp at Del Mar Beach on Camp Pendleton next week.

I received the Radiologist's report from the CT Scan done on 3/21. Thorax and chest are stable with no growth. The large tumor in the right lobe of her liver is increased slightly. Our goal is to get Val healthy enough to attack and kill this tumor through interventional radiology.

Good news: Val's CA19-9 Tumor marker dropped from 1,200 to 8oo and her potassium is back to normal.

God faithfully continues to lead us and opens doors that we faithfully go through. I am so grateful for His presence on this journey.

The beat goes on.

The City Of God

There is a land where the beloved of God go to dwell for a short season. It's name is Beaulah Land. It is within sight of heaven's bright shore.

Oddly, we christians rarely speak of Beaulah Land. But I will speak of it for our beloved Valerie has gone there. God spoke of it through Isaiah. John Bunyan wrote of it in Pilgrim's Progress.

Ann Cousin's poem speaks of the joy of it's inhabitants;

The sands of time are sinking, The dawn of heaven breaks;

The summer morn I’ve sighed for, The fair, sweet morn, awakes.

Dark, dark hath been the midnight, But dayspring is at hand,

And glory, glory dwelleth In Immanuel’s land.

I’ve wrestled on towards heaven, ‘Gainst storm and wind and tide;

Now, like a weary traveller That leaneth on his guide,

Amid the shades of evening, While sink life’s lingering sand,

I hail the glory dawning From Immanuel’s land.

Beloved, the world we see, the Valerie we see, is temporal. The unseen world is eternal.Those of you who have been with Val this week think "she has checked out". You are right and you are wrong. She appears to be not totally with us because she is not with us at all. I know this because of the enlightening of God's Spirit and because of a question Val asked me on our trip home from USC last night. "Why", she asked , "have the sounds of the world become strangely quiet?"

She knows she is there but she won't tell us directly. But as the glory of God Most High draws closer to her, you will know it. By how she appears and what she says.

Some come back to us from Beaulah Land. I think Val is coming back to us. We cherish all your prayers you continue to lay at the throne of God Most High for Val’s return.

We who are her medical support team will continue to move forward with options, knowing that God honors all that is done using the best medical skills available.

Val had a CT Scan and bloodwork done at USC yesterday. Good news! her Ca19-9 tumor marker was down from 1,200 to 800. Bad news. Her Bilirubin was 8.4 and Potassium 6.1.

Dr. Lenz directed us to get Val's stents changed stat.

We have moved it up a week and are on the books with Dr. Simon Lo at cedars Sinai next Monday at 4:45 PM. Dr. Lo put Val on antibiotics today. Pray that we can keep Val with us until Monday and pray that Dr. Lo has supernatural skills.

Pray that Val can eat or drink protein shakes this weekend and can get ahead on hydration. It is a 16 hour fast before stent procedure so we must get ahead of the game.

Godspeed

Time Out

Here is Gavin McCrea, my ace catcher heading for the dugout.

News from Aunt Charlene in Denver:

After our consult with Dr. Tony Reid, an oncologist at UCSD, on March 6th, our clear vision of the ‘next steps’ in Val’s treatment plan became a bit ‘snowy’. It certainly isn’t the first time during this journey that we have received ‘conflicting’ information on what the best plan of action would be! Dr. Reid’s recommendation was to stay the course with the current chemotherapy regimen as it appeared to be effective in keeping the cancer stable. He suggested that any of the three ‘interventional radiology’ procedures we were considering, Sir-Spheres, Chemo-embolization, or Intra-arterial Chemotherapy, were not appropriate at this point in time. This information seemed to us in direct conflict with the input from Dr. Steven Rose, a colleague of Dr. Reid’s at UCSD, who specializes in these interventional radiology procedures. So, needless to say, we left this appointment with many ‘new’ questions in our mind.

In the meantime, Val continued to struggle with maintaining her weight, her energy, and her ability to maintain life as ‘normal’ as possible. She continues on the intravenous nutrition to augment weight management and to increase her energy level. All of the chemo drugs along with the pain medications take their ‘toll’ on the gastric system, and though they are effectively keeping the cancer under control, they are definitely contributing to the loss of appetite, and low energy levels.

So what next???

As we have so many other times during this journey, we consulted with Dr. Nick Nissen, the liver surgeon and specialist at Cedar-Sinai Hospital, to help us understand and clarify the ‘snow’ on our screen. Prior to speaking with Dr. Nissen, we sent him the most recent CT and PET scans, so he could review these and compare them to earlier scans. The first and ‘most significant’ point that Dr. Nissen made was that the PET scan indicated that the overall tumor activity was under control…….and that the cancer is stable…..great news! He further suggested that we consider giving her body a one or two month ‘time-out’ from chemo to regain strength, weight, and to increase her energy level. His other recommendation was to manage the pain medication, which can contribute to the ‘gastric’ problems and dehydration, by taking only what is necessary to handle the pain, and no more. During this ‘time-out’, we will monitor the tumor activity closely, so we do not allow any growth or increase in quantity, by having a CAT scan done after one month. Our objective during this time is to increase Val’s weight, decrease the ‘impact’ of the drugs on her entire system, and increase her overall strength.

As it relates to Sir-Spheres or any of the other interventional radiology procedures, Dr. Nissen felt that due to the increased risk of infection, particularly cholangitis, with any arterial therapy that impacts the blood supply to the liver, the evaluation to perform a procedure such as this should be delayed until after the chemo break. Val would be at an ‘increased’ risk of infection unless her body is strong enough to fight it off. We will continue to keep this option ‘open’, and will re-evaluate in a month or two.

So the direction in the near future is now clearer……thank you Dr. Nissen! Val will begin her chemo ‘time-out’ this week, she will get another CAT scan on Wednesday, and consult with Dr. Lenz and Dr. Sue Hanks at USC this week. On April 2nd, Val will undergo her three month stent replacement procedure with Dr. Simon Lo, and we will re-evaluate the plan mid to late April.

In the meantime, Val, eat, eat, eat……. drink fluids often, get out in the sunshine and walk, and most of all, enjoy your upcoming ‘family vacation’ on the beach with Jeff and family, Julie and family, Paul and your mom and dad!

You are always on my mind,

Charlene

Steven

In Isaiah 55, God Most High speaks to us: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Let these be words of encouragement beloved. The ways of this difficult journey with our dear Valerie and the thoughts we have along the way are not the same as those of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Consider our ancient brother Steven. Chosen by the original apostles of our Lord to manage the distribution of material needs for Greek speaking widows, God gave him miraculous powers to bear witness to all Greek speaking Jews.

Like Jesus, he was a threat to the establishment. Like Jesus, he was brought to a trial filled with false witnesses. Like Jesus, he was found guilty of blasphemy and was executed. Like Jesus, before he died he prayed to ask forgiveness for those who stoned him.

Saul of Tarsus was there, giving approval to Steven's death. As Saint Augustine once said, "if Steven had not prayed, the church would not have had Paul."

Acts 7:55 has to be one of the most amazing statements in the entire Bible. When Jesus left Earth after the resurrection, he was seated at the right hand of God.

In this verse, however, we see Him standing to honor Steven's life on Earth.

What shall we say then. Why did God take Enoch and Elisha from Earth before they even died? Why did God raise Lazarous from the dead? Why did God allow his honored servant Steven to be brutally stoned to death? Why hasn't God ripped this disease from my daughter's body?

The answer to all our why's is found in The Letter to the Hebrews. Speaking of the suffering of God's choice Old Testament servants, we read; "Others were tortured, faced jeers and floggings, were chained in prison, were sawn in two, were put to death by the sword, were destitute, persecuted and mistreated. The world was not worthy of them.

These were all commended for their faith. They have come to the New Jerusalem, the city of The Living God. They have joined thousands and thousands of angels in joyful assembly, to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in Heaven.

And so we have again come back to the beginning. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

So many of God's choice servants have endured great suffering in this life. I know that they will rightfully occupy a position of greater honor for all eternity.

Chris' mom Margaret went back to Denver on Sunday. Char flew into town from Denver on Tuesday. Julie is due in from San Luis Obispo today.

We had an appointment Tuesday with Tony Reid and Phil Saylor from UCSD Moores Cancer Center. Both are excellent doctors but I think we are leaning toward staying with Dr. Lenz and Taleen, his Nurse Practitioner at USC Norris.

Tony Reid recommended that we stay the course with systemic chemo only. He felt that targeted treatment using SIR Spheres, Chemo Embolization, or HIAC were too risky and would require a long period where Avastin could not be used. He is also concerned with the risk of fungal infections while Val is on TPN.

I am not sure Valerie wants to follow his advice. She wants to consult with Dr. Rose to get his read on these conflicting opinions.

Good news is that the ascites has been held down with 200 mg of Spirolactin dieuretic. Bad news is that this can add to dehydration. Val is dehydrated and must drink more water. We are also going to ask Optioncare to consider IV saline to get ahead of the problem.

More good news. Val's eyes have been quite white for the last few days. This is a good visual indicator of overall liver function.

Val is not eating much. She thinks she is but she is not. We need a plan to deal with this reality. We just don't have it yet. Even with IV TPN, Val is mal-nourished.

Another problem is managing meds. There are so many that it is easy to get out of step.

The bottom line is we need a better and more militaristic way of managing the McCrea family and all of these needs mentioned here. Today, we put together a logsheet that will help if we use it.

Someone asked me what is Valerie's biggest problem. The answer is stress. It is so difficult to deal with the three boys while trying to keep life on a somewhat even keel.

Next Monday is Chemo 31 at USC. We are still facing the decision of when to do local treatment and what treatment to use. This affects our chemo protocol.

Jeff, Jan, and their family are coming from Alabama on March 24th. Jeff is a Lt Colonel in the Air Force and is being sent to the Korean Peninsula in June for a one year asiignment as an F16 squadron Commander.

April 2nd, Val is scheduled for a stent change with Dr. Lo at Cedars Sinai.

Pray for God's wisdom as we make all decisions. To Him be all glory and honor. In Him we live and move and have our being.

Godspeed Beloved

The Zoo

This has been a good week considering I had Chemo on Monday. The goal right now is to get my bilirubin below 2. On 2/28 it ws 2.2. We are going in the right direction. At that point, if we can keep it there, I will get SIR spheres. My doc is really pushing for this. If not we may do Arterial Infusion to the main tumor or Chemo Embolization. We will see. We want to attack these tumors from a different angle. I have been taking high doses of Ambotrose. It gives me energy and our friend is cancer free after taking it a year. I think it is a good product.

Margaret, Chris' Mother is in visiting from Denver. It is good too see her. We are going to try to go to the ZOO today. They have some awesome exhibits for boys right now. They will love it. Chris is on vacation this week but it does not seen like it. He still has been putting fires out. You all know how Chris is.

Chris and I went for some counseling last week on how to deal with all the family problems or issues that come up when in our situation. It was good for us. When you are in the eye of the storm it is hard to see what the right decisions are. Communication, kids, extended family. We are going every week now. It is good to know what to do with the kids. Whats best for them? How much should we tell them?

Psalm 63 is a great scripture I read this morning. God is so close and his promises are so clear and true.

Valerie